Articles

Understanding Must Precede Advice in Relationship Conflict

Understanding Must Precede Advice in Relationship Conflict

understanding

Mike finds his wife’s “explosion” of anger “unbearable.” When she gets angry, he tries to neutralize or fix her feelings. He often tries to problem solve before understanding why Stacey is upset. This makes Stacey feel dumb for experiencing and expressing her innate feelings.… Continue reading Here

Transforming Criticism into Wishes: A Recipe for Successful Conflict

Transforming Criticism into Wishes: A Recipe for Successful Conflict

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

In the heat of an argument, it’s far easier to say what we don’t want than what we do. Stan Tatkin, the founder of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy, proposes that people are better built for war than love.… Continue reading Here

There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid

There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid

perspective

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog

Heather’s voice raises as she says, “How can you not see it my way? It’s the truth and you know it. You’re just too stubborn to admit it!”

Jason responds, “That’s not what happened at all.… Continue reading Here

Help Your Partner Understand Your Side of the Conflict in 3 Steps

Help Your Partner Understand Your Side of the Conflict in 3 Steps

 

Understand

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

Conflict isn’t easy: There’s hurt. There’s misunderstanding. And, at the same time, there are parts of us that are screaming to feel validated and understood. The problem for many of us is we have learned to communicate in a way that actually pushes our partners away from truly understanding us or meeting our needs.… Continue reading Here

This Pre-Conflict Warm-up Helps Couples Fight Better

This Pre-Conflict Warm-up Helps Couples Fight Better

pre-conflict

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog

Leo Tolstoy’s book Anna Karenina begins, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Dr. Gottman’s four decades of research tells a different story.

Following thousands of couples (some for multiple decades), Gottman found that the couples who would eventually divorce were more alike than different.… Continue reading Here

Do You Bottle Your Emotions? Susan David, Ph.D. Describes How It Hurts Your Relationship

Do You Bottle Your Emotions? Susan David, Ph.D. Describes How It Hurts Your Relationship

emotions

Interviewed by Kyle Benson For  The Gottman Relationship Blog

Susan David, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychologist on the faculty of Harvard Medical School and the CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, a boutique business consultancy. Her new book Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life teaches a counterintuitive approach to achieving your true potential, which was heralded by the Harvard Business Review as a groundbreaking idea of the year in 2016.Continue reading Here

3 Healthy Steps to Coping with Your Partners Anger

3 Healthy Steps to Coping with Your Partners Anger

anger

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

Have you ever wondered why we get angry? According to psychologist Daniel Goleman, “emotions are, in essence, impulses to act, the instant plans for handling life that evolution has instilled in us.”

In his book Emotional Intelligence, Goleman tells us that anger causes blood to flow to our hands, making it easier for us to strike an enemy or hold a weapon.… Continue reading Here

An Always Happy Relationship is a Doomed Relationship

An Always Happy Relationship is a Doomed Relationship

happy

A relationship pattern that ends in heartbreak is founded on deception and lack of emotional connection. Deception is birthed from the scar that taught us that revealing our true needs only causes more unpleasant conflict.

When we cut out this part of ourselves, we do so under the belief that maintaining good feelings in the relationship will keep the relationship.… Continue reading Here

5 Easy Ways to Make Sex More Intimate and Romantic

5 Easy Ways to Make Sex More Intimate and Romantic

intimate sex

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

Sex can be an uncomfortable topic for couples. Many of us feel embarrassed about our bodies or have been sexually rejected at some point. Not to mention our culture and life experiences which have created feelings of sexual shame, making romantic and intimate sex a scary endeavor to even talk about.… Continue reading Here

Page 1 of 11123...5678...Last »