Vulnerability

Stop Trying to Fix Your Partner’s Feelings, Connect with Them Instead

Stop Trying to Fix Your Partner’s Feelings, Connect with Them Instead

feelings

One of our deepest needs as humans is to feel understood, and true understanding is not possible without empathy. As psychologist Carl Rogers put it, “When someone really hears you without passing judgment on you, without trying to take responsibility for you, without trying to mold you, it feels damn good!”

Think back to a time when you were listened to and really felt heard.… Continue reading Here

How to Listen Without Getting Defensive in Relationship Conflict

How to Listen Without Getting Defensive in Relationship Conflict

defensive

Understanding your partner requires the capacity to listen. Really listen. Couples are advised to hear each other’s complaints without feeling attacked, and as great as this sounds, it’s often unrealistic.

When something you said (or didn’t say) hurts your partner’s feelings, there’s a strong impulse to interrupt with, “That wasn’t my intention.… Continue reading Here

Transforming Criticism into Wishes: A Recipe for Successful Conflict

Transforming Criticism into Wishes: A Recipe for Successful Conflict

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog.

In the heat of an argument, it’s far easier to say what we don’t want than what we do. Stan Tatkin, the founder of the psychobiological approach to couple therapy, proposes that people are better built for war than love.… Continue reading Here

There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid

There Are Two Views to Every Conflict and Both Are Valid

perspective

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog

Heather’s voice raises as she says, “How can you not see it my way? It’s the truth and you know it. You’re just too stubborn to admit it!”

Jason responds, “That’s not what happened at all.… Continue reading Here

Do You Bottle Your Emotions? Susan David, Ph.D. Describes How It Hurts Your Relationship

Do You Bottle Your Emotions? Susan David, Ph.D. Describes How It Hurts Your Relationship

emotions

Interviewed by Kyle Benson For  The Gottman Relationship Blog

Susan David, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychologist on the faculty of Harvard Medical School and the CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, a boutique business consultancy. Her new book Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life teaches a counterintuitive approach to achieving your true potential, which was heralded by the Harvard Business Review as a groundbreaking idea of the year in 2016.Continue reading Here

An Always Happy Relationship is a Doomed Relationship

An Always Happy Relationship is a Doomed Relationship

happy

A relationship pattern that ends in heartbreak is founded on deception and lack of emotional connection. Deception is birthed from the scar that taught us that revealing our true needs only causes more unpleasant conflict.

When we cut out this part of ourselves, we do so under the belief that maintaining good feelings in the relationship will keep the relationship.… Continue reading Here

The 3 Choices of Connection that Make a Relationship Amazing or Lonely

The 3 Choices of Connection that Make a Relationship Amazing or Lonely

“Feed and clothe a human infant but deprive him of emotional contact [and] he will die.” – A General Theory of Love

Matt and Evalin fight about everything under the sun. Evalin tells Matt, “you’re a slob. It’s not hard to pick up your clothes off the floor and put it in the hamper.” Matt responds, “you shouldn’t be talking.… Continue reading Here

4 Marriage Myths That Ruin Marriages Without Partners Realizing It

4 Marriage Myths That Ruin Marriages Without Partners Realizing It

marriage myths

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog. 

As soon as the engagement ring is slipped on, we are inundated with messages about how our relationship should be. Our friends and family tell us what we should tolerate and what we shouldn’t.… Continue reading Here

2 Hidden Ways We Sabotage Intimacy In The Relationship We Want

2 Hidden Ways We Sabotage Intimacy In The Relationship We Want
The strange ways we sabotage intimacy
Credit: Milkos

Do you have a pattern of being attracted to an emotionally unavailable intimate partner who is emotionally protected and difficult to get close with?

Or do you have a history of pushing away the sort of person who is available, caring, and easy to get close with?… Continue reading Here

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