Intimacy

Nasty, Neutral, or Nice: What Box Does Your Relationship Live In?

Nasty, Neutral, or Nice: What Box Does Your Relationship Live In?

Neutral Relationship Conflict

In every interaction, every couple falls into one of three boxes: Nasty, Neutral, or Nice.

While many of us, including couples therapist, believe that a couple’s ability to be nice during conflict conversations determines the happiness of the relationship, Dr. Gottman’s research on thousands of couples highlights that happy couples often have far more neutral conversations that are emotionally dull.… Continue reading Here

An Intimate Conversation is Like Traveling the World

An Intimate Conversation is Like Traveling the World

intimate conversation

Every intimate conversation is an adventure into a person’s inner world – their needs, passions, hardships, and unique view of the world.

The problem is many of us, myself included, can be terrible travelers. We don’t listen well, don’t ask questions, and sometimes wander off on our own adventure in our head, abandoning our talking partners.… Continue reading Here

The Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Trap: An Interview with Amir Levine Part II

The Anxious-Avoidant Relationship Trap: An Interview with Amir Levine Part II

anxious-avoidant

Interview Guest: Amir Levine, M.D., is a psychiatrist, neuroscientist, and co-author of a popular book, Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love, which has been translated into 14 languages. You can read Part I of the interview with Dr.… Continue reading Here

5 Habits of Emotionally Wealthy Marriages

5 Habits of Emotionally Wealthy Marriages

emotional bank accountIt turns out the number one thing couples fight about is nothing.

This not-so-earth-shattering discovery was made in Dr. Gottman’s Love Lab after spending more than 40 years studying over 3,000 couples. These couples were not arguing about specific topics like sex, money, or in-laws.… Continue reading Here

Stopping the Pursue-Withdraw Pattern: An Interview with Scott R. Woolley, Ph.D.

Stopping the Pursue-Withdraw Pattern: An Interview with Scott R. Woolley, Ph.D.

pursue-withdrawThe pursue-withdraw pattern is an extremely common cause of divorce. If left unresolved, it will continue into a second marriage and subsequent intimate relationships. As Dr. Gottman explains in Why Marriages Succeed or Fail, “This classical marital impasse is all too common—a wife seeking emotional connection from a withdrawn husband.”

How do couples fall into a pursue-withdraw pattern, and why are men usually the ones that withdraw?… Continue reading Here

The Habit of Criticism is Poisonous to Any Relationship

The Habit of Criticism is Poisonous to Any Relationship

criticism No one wants to stay in a relationship that makes them feel more judged than admired. Yet, it’s too common for couples to see the other person as the problem.

And since the other partner is the problem, the only solution is for them to change…right?… Continue reading Here

This Pre-Conflict Warm-up Helps Couples Fight Better

This Pre-Conflict Warm-up Helps Couples Fight Better

pre-conflict

This article was originally published on The Gottman Relationship Blog

Leo Tolstoy’s book Anna Karenina begins, “Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way.” Dr. Gottman’s four decades of research tells a different story.

Following thousands of couples (some for multiple decades), Gottman found that the couples who would eventually divorce were more alike than different.… Continue reading Here

Do You Bottle Your Emotions? Susan David, Ph.D. Describes How It Hurts Your Relationship

Do You Bottle Your Emotions? Susan David, Ph.D. Describes How It Hurts Your Relationship

emotions

Interviewed by Kyle Benson For  The Gottman Relationship Blog

Susan David, Ph.D. is an award-winning psychologist on the faculty of Harvard Medical School and the CEO of Evidence Based Psychology, a boutique business consultancy. Her new book Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life teaches a counterintuitive approach to achieving your true potential, which was heralded by the Harvard Business Review as a groundbreaking idea of the year in 2016.Continue reading Here

4 Common Solvable Problems in Romantic Relationships

4 Common Solvable Problems in Romantic Relationships

This article originally appeared on Verily.

Although every happy relationship is different, every relationship has solvable problems and unsolvable problems. Dr. John Gottman has identified four of the most common solvable relationship conflicts for couples: technology, work stress, money, and housework.… Continue reading Here